Parenting…a One Time Decision

Duality can be very dangerous. There are many things in life that must be entered into fully committed with no element of faltering. Parenting is one of those areas.

We are so driven by personal ambition and self gratification that we often gloss over the gravity of choosing to steward a family. We drink in the joys of life and then stumble through parenting.  While we are focused on success, ministry and entertainment we are missing the opportunities along the way to be faithful in our primary stewardship.

The weight of primary stewardship has lost its grip on popular culture and often on many Christian parents as well. The hard truth is you don’t get a second chance on today’s choices. My son is 6 now and no matter how hard I might try, I cannot stop the days from passing by.  All I have is today.

What choices will I make that will leave a lasting impression on his life?

What will I say to him when we are all back home for dinner?

What will my attitude and words to my wife communicate to his impressionable mind?

What will I decide is important for our family to do before we are all in bed asleep?

Primary Stewardship is about hitting the mark, not just getting close. If you are stewarding a family then you can rest assure God will empower you to hit it dead on.

Culture of Honor vs Culture of Fear

Continued from Opposing Forces in Leadership: Developing People vs Training People & Micro-Managing vs. Empowerment

Do the people you lead feel less than honored after partnering with you in your vision?  It’s a question that can catch a leader off guard.  Isn’t the most important thing that we get the job done, effectively minister to people, serve and give our lives?  Not really.  I like the way one budding entrepreneur put it to me one day…

“Your most important sell of the day is the one you pitch to your team.”

If you can’t win their hearts and respect then the goal is already lost.

There are opposing forces at work as daily we attempt to win and lead the people God has granted us to steward in leadership.  You are creating either a culture of honor that garners the respect and energies of your team or a culture of fear that cultivates an environment where everyone gives the very minimum requirement to survive another day.  When you leverage your power position to motivate people you are creating a culture of fear in your leadership team.  Leveraging your power is the LEAST EFFECTIVE method of motivation.

1. Leveraging Power creates insecurity amongst the team and stifles creativity.

2. Leveraging Power teaches people to FEAR you rather than REVERE you.

3. Leveraging Power stunts personal and corporate growth.

4. Leveraging Power will eliminate the possibility for healthy, productive conflict resolution.

Continued: Ways to Increase Your Value

Continued from the At Work Series: Pt. 1

4.  Take Chances

One of the great things about the apostle Peter was his courage to step out and “just do it.”  At times that got him into trouble due to ignorance.  However, more often than not, when you are willing to step out of the boat in obedience (Matthew 14:28) you will find that you can do things that you never thought possible.  Really what you will find is that you were destined to do and be much more than you could have imagined.  Make a personal commitment to never turn down an opportunity because the task seems too daunting.  When God is setting you up to grow He will never present you with assignments that you feel prepared for.  However, if you have been faithful in the season of preparation (1 Samuel 16:19-23) you can be sure that God is about to do something truly amazing in your life and in the life of others around you.

5.  Invest in Personal Growth

There are very few things more detrimental to momentum than a team that is unambitious and uninterested in personal growth.  Leaders who serve in one season of their life often get mesmerized by positional leadership and begin to coast.  They eventually lose any and all of the influential leadership they once had.  The only way to be of value to your family or organization is to lead and contribute from out front.  That does not mean that you must be in the front position.  But it does mean that there has to be something in you that others need.  It is impossible to nurture and grow that “something” without an undying commitment to personal growth.  Through personal growth God will plant the seeds of promise that will one day nourish the family and generation you serve.

6.  Make People Your Priority

Its hard to argue with the familiar leadership attache, “People are your most valuable asset.”  For the believer, people are God’s greatest creation because he imprinted his very image in each one (Genesis 1:27).  It is easy to get wrapped up in what you “feel called to do” or what you envision.  This is an important focus, yet it should never come at the cost of losing sight of people.  When goal and outcome are your only focus you will crush, ignore and marginalize any person that stands in your way.  Often times these “people obstacles” are actually tests and shaping moments God is using to adjust your direction. When you focus your attention on people you begin to see as God sees and will be better positioned to know and understand how best to see the vision through to completion.

Ways to Increase Your Value

At Work Series: Ways to Increase Your Value

No matter where your assignment might be, you have a responsibility to faithfully increase your value to the people around you.  Not in order that you could receive praise and glory, but to (1) serve others with your life and (2) that others might see the God in you and honor Him.  We were created to grow in influence and value, we were created for contribution.  It is supernaturally satisfying to know that you have been a vessel used to better another life or carry on a Godly vision.  It could be your corporation, 9 to 5 job, church or simply your family.  In all these things we can increase our value and turn up our contribution by focusing on these areas.

1. Solve Problems

   There are issues big and small, everyday, that need an answer.  Like Daniel, in Daniel chapter 2, we have a distinct advantage as believers because we are conduits of The Truth, The Answer to humanity.  If there is a problem, God has the insight and solution necessary to overcome.  Our natural tendency is not to become a problem solver.  Some people are are simply PROBLEM POINTERS.  They are excellent at stating the obvious and communicating what is wrong and needs repair.  This paradigm is often the result of an unwillingness to take responsibility or take a chance in being used by God.  It is much safer to stand on the shore and point than it is to step out and trust that God might use you to bring resolution.  If it all falls apart it will be on your shoulders.  This scares off most followers who are content to let someone else take the risk.   A valuable leader in an organization will step up to the plate every time.  They are not blissfully ignorant but rather inwardly trusting that God has created them “for such a time as this.” (Esther 4:14)

2. Translate the Company Vision

   Possibly the most valuable member(s) of a team is the person that can accurately capture what is in the heart of the leader and translate that into directives and ideas that come to life.  These people make it their life study to excavate the jewels that are hidden for them inside the heart of the vision they follow.  It is not easy and it demands great sacrifice.  There is not a lot of glitz and glory to a miners job.  You often find yourself head to toe covered in dirt while others are outside the cave basking in the sun.  But the work of a vision excavator will not go unrewarded.  There will soon come a time when real progress is necessary.  The leaders with the answers will be those like the sons of Issachar who have dedicated themselves to the vision and at the right time will “understand the season and know what to do.” (1 Chronicles 12:32)

3. Take Responsibility

   Valuable leaders on a team consider themselves personally responsible for the outcome.  Departmentalizing your responsibilities is the easy way out.  Saying, “That’s not my department” does not add value to you or your team.  In “Inside the Magic Kingdom : Seven Keys to Disney’s Success” Tom Connellan narrates an encounter where a Disney World employee walks by a tour guided group of business leaders in the Magic Kingdom theme park.  The employee is seen stopping every few steps to gather trash thrown to the ground.  The group is later confronted by this same individual in a keynote session on leadership.  The individual was one of the executives on Disney’s creative teams.

   Considering yourself a steward of all things will increase your value in your organization.  These valuable leaders get no satisfaction from losing, even if they were not personally responsible for leading the charge.  Do everything within your power to make sure your leadership and organization are positioned for the most significant impact possible.  This will not only increase your value to the team but will also bring maturity and strength to your personal life.

   Continued…

Stewardship in Everything

At Home Series: Continued from Choices that Communicate & A Parent’s Biggest Challenge

Getting the maximum return on the investments you make in life boils down to one simple principle…STEWARDSHIP.  How you handle what you’ve been given will determine the increase of what is to come.  The bible puts it this way, “He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. Therefore if you have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches? And if you have not been faithful in what is another man’s, who will give you what is your own?”(Luke 16:10-12)

If you want see your family experience the “true riches” of God, consider how you are stewarding these resources.

Time

Time is a precious commodity that is easy to take for granted especially as it relates to family.  You live with them, eat with them, vacation with them, so you can easily grow callous to the urgency of the moment.  But make no mistake, the moment is urgent.  Every passing day with your spouse is an opportunity to grow in sacrificial love towards one another.  Every morning your children wake to face the day is another chance to teach and display the character of God.  It takes large amounts of invested time and energy to enjoy a Godly marriage and children who love and serve the Lord.  There is only one of you and you are allotted a predetermined amount of time (Psalms 90:12).  Your particular calling may allow a lot of time at home or you may travel extensively.  Either way if you are not intentional about using the time you have to build strong relationships with your family, you will miss the return of intimacy and fulfillment of a Godly family.

Entertainment

We live in a culture that revolves around stimulation and entertainment.  The family entertainment market is a multi-billion dollar industry.  Satellite, Netflix, DSL, Nintendo Wii, XBox, texting, chatting, “IM-ing,” iPhone, Blackberry, Google…and the list goes on.  You might be a dad that gets a text from your daughter while she is the room down the hall!  “Dad cn I sta ↑ L8 2nite?”   Cyberspace, Cable Television and Mobile Connectivity have certainly opened up the world to us, but they have also closed down the intimacy between Mom and Dad, parents and children.  We have to take control of how our families are using entertainment outlets.  Watching our favorite show on the DVR and surfing facebook don’t count as family time.  Finding ways to talk and enjoy one another may be uncomfortable at first but we must find a way.

Money

How and where money is spent communicates a lot to your children and family.  Many people think that God granting them more money would enable them to be more faithful and more generous.  However, money is not an enabler it’s an indicator.  You may have an abundance or be living off a “shoe string budget.”  Either way, how we spend our money just reveals our capacity to steward what God has measured out to us.  Determining to be faithful in your tithe, giving and spending will have a lasting effect on your family.  It will result in amazing testimonies of God’s faithfulness and will train your children to be stewards rather than hoarders of God’s supply.

A Parent’s Biggest Challenge

At Home Series: Continued from Choices that Communicate

Consistency.

It is the secret ingredient to a family in loving submission and relationship to one another or, when flipped into inconsistency, it can be the deadly poison that slowly eats away at the foundation of relationship and character.

The bible is pretty tough on Christian leaders when it comes to the department of child rearing.  1 Timothy 3:4-5, “He (overseer) must manage his own household well, with all dignity, keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household how will he care for God’s church?”

Consistency is difficult because it never takes a break, never takes a breath, never looks away.  Our fallen nature is always looking for an excuse to “let it slide” or to say “it’s no big deal.”  But consistency is a BIG DEAL.  I am still very new to being a daddy and I pray that years from now I will understand much more than I do today.  However, one thing that is clear to me is that to be a Godly parent is to be consistent in our commitment to stewarding our children.  This is not the type of thing that comes hard-wired for believers.  In fact, consistent parenting is often passed over as unimportant in the light of ministry and vocational opportunities.  Here are some helpful pointers to keep in mind.

Don’t Get Glazed Over

My heart really goes out to the single moms and dads that somehow work full-time while trying to train up their children in the ways of the Lord. They work double time to be Mom and Dad, provider and homemaker.  But what really amazes me is to see Christian couples who get “glazed over” when it comes to being attentive to training their children.  Now, children are going to make poor decisions and if they are breathing they are going to make you red in the face on more than one occasion.  But every moment a child is awake is a possible teaching moment.  Children learn best when given direct feedback based on their actions and attitudes.  No matter how tired you are, don’t unplug!  It will be exhausting at first but consistency WILL pay off.  Whats more is you, your child and the people who come in contact with him will be blessed as a result.

Relentlessly Communicate Core Family Values

Mom and Dad must decide early on what is important when it comes to family dynamics.  It could be a format for disagreements, a reoccurring family date night or something as simple as bed times and curfews.  All of these standards help parents communicate what is most important.  Everyone in the family is bound by these guiding principles and there are no exemptions.  A family’s core values need to be grounded in biblical truth and parents should be able to make that connection clearly so the children can understand.  Consistently communicating core values will build character and help children apply biblical truths to real world situations as they get older.

Follow-Up and Follow Through

The best intentions, multiple degrees of education and worlds of wisdom will be no good for your children if you cannot find a way to consistently follow-up on the standards you set and follow through on the boundaries you’ve created.  There are a lot of well-intentioned and “anointed” men and women who consistently fail to follow-up and follow through.  I have found the best way to improve my ability to be consistent is to increase my consistency in Christian disciplines (devotion, prayer, meditation, fasting, reading, study, etc.).  When we are faithful in the small things like morning devotional times, God can grant us the grace to be faithful in the big things like training our children to live according to the word of God.

Choices That Communicate

As Father’s Day approaches this weekend a lot of kids and moms will be riding out to the malls to buy that tool box, new gadget, tie, or golf club that Dad has been wanting for so long.  They will celebrate all the things that the “Big Guy” does all year round.  Unfortunately there are an unimaginable number of families who will not get to thank Dad this Father’s Day.  The large majority of those families lost their fathers to the fatherless generation epidemic that has eroded away the soul of the most basic unit of human creation…the family.

As heartbreaking as this is, there is a parallel story playing out in the homes of many believers.  Dad might not be absent physically from the home but he is far away from carrying the mantle of prophet, priest and king.  One of the saddest scriptures in the Old Testament is Judges 2:10, “When all that generation (Joshua’s Generation) had been gathered to their fathers, another generation arose after them who did not know the LORD nor the work which He had done for Israel.” (NKJV)  An entire generation of fathers failed to fulfill their heavenly calling.

Is there any earthly assignment more important for men than to minister to, protect and lead his family in the truth of God’s word and the command to “…love the Lord God your with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.” (Mark 12:30 NKJV)?

Church attendance and a steady salary are not going to cut it for “Pastor Dad.”  The burden of ensuring that his wife and children live under the rule and protection of God falls squarely on the shoulders of Dad.  Here are some choices that communicate the Godly example of a righteous father.

Selfless Sacrifice and Hard Work

No words communicate louder than a dad who is relentless in his work ethic and in his pursuit to provide for his family.  Instead of being consumed with dreams of purchasing his next “guy toy,” he is dedicated to making sure his wife and children have everything they need to live safe and are equipped to maximize the opportunities God provides.  They may not say it or even know it, but a dad who has a poor work ethic is a burden to his wife and children.  His actions and attitude are slowly pulling down their drive and motivation to succeed.  Dads must rise early each day and begin preparing to receive their families.  When our wife and children begin their day we need to be standing ready to be intentional about leading them.  Don’t allow anyone to lead the way in sacrifice and provision other than you.  God designed us this way, we are equipped to carry this burden.  Get up under that load and make a difference today!

Principled Living and Consistency

Families need to know that there is a standard of living they can count on and live by in every situation.  So for a dad there is no time off.  There is never a moment when you can come through the door and take an hour to unwind while your wife handles the kids.  Dads who are bullishly committed to carrying out principle centered living gain the love and respect of their families.  They will not have to worry about demanding that others listen to them and follow instruction.  When you carry out God’s instructions to the nth degree in your own life, your wife and children will look to you as a result of the safety and protection that come from biblical consistency.

Words of Love and Displays of Affection

The most manly thing you can do at home is love passionately.  There is nothing more “imasculine” than a man who is too insecure to effectively communicate his love to his children and wife.  Jesus loved with passionate abandonment.  He is the  ultimate example of manhood.  Jobs, responsibilities and the pressures of life can often drain a dad of his energy.  But we cannot allow loving words and loving touches to be sacrificed.  When a father is loving and affectionate, as directed by Jesus’ example, his sons and daughters learn what to look for when considering the kind of man or woman they need to begin a Godly family of their own.

Story Telling, Life Lessons and Bible Truths

Some of the most significant shaping moments of my life have come following a story or example relayed by my dad to me that taught about Godly love, leadership and commitment.  His example and stories inspired me and shaped my mind.  They had a lasting impact that has taken root now in my own family.  Dads cannot quietly hope that their families are “getting it.”  Making Godly choices and being consistent is necessary, but we have to learn to translate those principles into words and lessons that our children and wives can understand.  Never miss an opportunity to say, “Let me tell you why we do that.”  Then let Christ be revealed by “rightly dividing the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15)  as the Pastor in your home.  Successfully communicating how God’s word leads into all truth will mark a clear path for our children to follow and will set the boundaries for family decision-making.

A Quiver Full

Throughout the process of building our family, Jen and I have been jolted by more than a few barriers.  That is true for everyone though.  You set out with a dream of the way things should be and the way they should go (usually formulated by some presumptions formed through experiences and observation).  Then BOOM!  In your face!  What you thought was going to be a road to your dream turns out to be a detour that leads to discouragement and disillusionment.  But I think that’s just about the time that you realize this was never about a dream.  Dreams are good but they are usually tainted by the fallen nature of man’s pursuits.  What you were destined for is something much greater.  Not a dream, but a promise.  There was a time when I thought we were lost and  that my heart’s thirst would be left unquenched.  But the detour we’ve been on has been a detour away from and around our own personal wants and needs.   This route is clearly marked with the footprints of a loving Savior leading the same place they have always led…to The Father’s side.  It’s in His great purpose that I have found my greatest joy.  Today, once again, He has shown His Glorious favor on us and the quiver we feared would remain empty has now lost more of it’s emptiness.  Yet my hope does not rest tonight in the glory of a dream fulfilled.  But rather in the one who can rightfully establish His promise and see it fulfilled through my life.  My heart is overwhelmed with the joy of new life, but I find myself drawn back to Paul’s “faithful saying”…(1 Tim 1:15 & 16) Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.  However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all long suffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life.